“remember”

i can't remember...
i can't remember how i got here
when i got here
wherever here is
whatever here is

the walls reach
they are expansive
smooth, vaulted, unreasonably tall
yet they feel so confining, so small
painted dark and deep
not quite black but they might as well be
dark enough so i could never tell where or when
...if ever they end
i can't remember how i got here

i can't remember when i got here
who put me here
who made me bare
then took the time to dress me in this clean, white, flowy thing
in this, that i'd never wear of my own will
in this. beautiful. thing
in this...... frailty...
yet as much as i'd like to deny
it. fits. and. flows. beautifully
whoever it was knew my body better than i
and took special care to appease
to make sure of my comfort
why can't i remember who it was that knew me so well

i can't remember where i am
the last conscious thought took place in my own grave
my one size-too-small, too damp, too dark casket
and though it is those things on the inside..
outwardly, amazing
longed for
sought after
an attractive estate
it. is. a. sight
decorated, of course, by me
if only to keep up the appearance of
"better than fine"
how did they not only find but open this casket
locked tight and put away for so long
i can't remember


i could leave...
but i am now truly too frightened
too terrified to even try..
there is a hallway
not too terribly long
a dim light flickers just beyond my reach
lighting a short pathway to freedom
there are no physical restraints
no physical shackles
no trap on the way out
no guard
no..there is nothing in my way
but if i move
if i collect myself
and my beautiful, frail, flowy dress
if i take just a few steps outside of my newfound "comfort"
i could leave

i make up excuses
desperate, weak excuses

"what if i don't know my way out.. my way back to my too small, too damp, too dark.. amazing estate"

"what if i'm so sure of the direction i walk, that i get complacent, cocky..and in that, what if i get lost..alone"

"what if, when i leave, i can't take my beautiful, frail dress with me.. what if somehow it vanishes from my body and leaves me bare, cold, and vulnerable"

"maybe if i knew how i got here, i could be free"

"maybe if i knew who put me here, i could be free"

"maybe if i knew why i was put in this place, i could be free "

"maybe if i could just remember what this place is, i could be free"

i can't remember....

i don't remember....


i. don't. want.
to remember.